Lana Chronicles
by MmmMalfoy
Summary: Lana Lark: Gryffindor's new psychopath. She's famous all around Hogwarts for stalking Draco Malfoy. The teachers have got their hands full this year. Author's Note: These are written with my vocab words, so there is a dictionary section at the bottom
1. Prologue: How It All Began

PROLOGUE

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

I was so ecstatic to go to school that I wet the bed.

Again.

For punishment, my maid threw me out the window on my estate.

She stood static for a moment before running around the house, upset that she had just thrown me out of the window.

Feeling unloved, I walked down to the train station, where I bought a ticket to Hogwarts.

While on the train I (Lana) stood stationary when I noticed Draco Malfoy, my boyfriend who I am mentally dating. I was caught stalking him, so I was taken to the police station, where they measured my stature.

They also checked my relationship status on Facebook. Still, my feelings for Draco Malfoy were status quo. They made a statute that I couldn't stalk Draco Malfoy anymore, only "observe him from a distance". They also gave me a restraining order that I couldn't go within fifty feet of him. But, the next time I was "observing him from a distance" I still felt as if the thermostat had been turned up fifty degrees.

-Lana

**DICTIONARY**

**Ecstatic: **Extreme joy; to know the feeling of pure delight

**Estate: **A considerably large piece of property

**Static: **Fixed; to stay with no motion; not active

**Stationary: **Not moving; not capable of being moved; fixed in position

**Stature: **One's height in an upright position

**Status: **Position in society relative to others

**Status quo: **Staying the same; unchanging

**Statute: **A law; rule created by someone of high position


	2. Chapter One: The Train Ride In

THE TRAIN RIDE IN

I was cognizant to the person a few seats away from me. I was, in fact, almost always in cognition to where he was. That's what happens when you introduce a wizard to Twitter.

I wouldn't say I was a stalker, but I would say I was omniscient to him.

That sounds a little better.

Even though my conscience warned against it, I peeked behind me and recognized bleached blond hair. I squealed and ducked under the table, rocking back and forth on my feet. Some people walked past me, showing sciolistic interest in me.

I'm no scientist, but I was pretty sure the formula for "insane twelve-year-old" was somebody rocking back and forth under the table, squealing not-so-subtly.

With conscientious work, I planned out a way for me to go say "Hi!". I would go in a disguise so he wouldn't know who I was.

Just when I sat up to put my plan into action I heard him say, "It would be unconscionable for me to go talk to Lana. She's just too awesome!"

I sank back against the plush Hogwarts Express seat. No need to go incognito now.

**Dictionary**

**Cognition: **The mental process of knowing

**Cognizant: **Fully informed; to know or be aware

**Conscience: **Knowing right from wrong

**Conscientious: **Extreme character and effort

**Incognito: **An unknown identity

**Omniscient: **Having total knowledge

**Recognize: **To identify of know someone from a past experience

**Sciolistic: **Showing vague interest

**Unconscionable: **Not restrained by conscience; unfair


	3. Chapter Two: The Sorting Ceremony

THE SORTING CEREMONY

"Students," Professor McGonagall said in assonance. "Stand still, silently and wait until the doors open." Her voice was clearly audible over the silent students.

"I'll put on an audio for you to listen to," she added and then stomped away.

The audio was only talking and it was getting annoying. Who cares what herbs cured toe fungus? Not me.

Draco had the common sense to transfigure it into a phonograph. The sweet sounds of "My Heart Will Go On" came on. I was about to go over to Draco and say something flirty, but _stupid_ Professor McGonagall walked out and directed us into the auditorium. There were a million heads looking towards us, every footstep seemed to resonate. Then some ragged old hat started to _sing_. Yeah, you read it right. The hat sang.

I shot Draco a look and he shrugged.

The hat sang a sonnet to a bunch of baffled looking first years. It wasn't even on pitch! When it was finished Professor McGonagall started to talk.

"Walk up and sit on the stool," she said. "Put the hat on your head. It will use sonar to place you into a house."

Huh? Since when did wizards use technology?

She went through a long list of names and finally, finally, finally called "Lana Lark", or rather, "Lark, Lana". She said my name backwards for some reason. We all have our issues.

I walked up and she put the hat on my head.

"Hmmmmmm," it said in my ear. "Just to really bug you I'll put you in Gryffindor. If you think about it could be worse, you could be in Hufflepuff. GRYFFINDOR!" that stupid little hat thundered.

"Not fair!" Draco and I shouted in unison. "The hat is rigged!"

Professor McGonagall pointed a bony finger to the Gryffindor table. I slunk off and sat down.

"Malfoy, Draco," she read and put the hat on his head (heh, that rhymed).

Just to really grate on my cheese, it shouted,

"SLYTHERIN!" which was as welcome to my ears as a cacophony.

Mental note: Accidentally maliciously destroy the Sorting Hat.

Draco stomped off to the table, mumbling something about flammable fabric.

Great minds think alike.

Just to prove that theory, both of us (without planning it with each other) had the great idea to stay behind in the Great Hall so we could personally flip off the Sorting Hat.

*Dramatic sigh*

Great minds think alike, what can I say?

**Dictionary**

**Assonance: **Repeated vowel sounds

**Audible: **Able to be heard

**Audio: **The sound portion of a broadcast

**Cacophony: **Harsh sounds; noisy or disturbing noises

**Resonate: **To vibrate or repeat in sound; to correspond harmoniously

**Sonnet: **A type of poem with 14 lines


	4. Chapter Three: Herbology Class

Herbology Class

Well, this is the story of my first Herbology class at Hogwarts. Nobody believes it, but I'll tell it anyway:

I swear the plant behind me tried to abduct me. A spiky, leafy green vine grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door. I deduced that it wanted me to cut class so we could walk around Hogwarts and get to know each other.

I actually considered this or a moment. Herbology was a deductible and the green plant was really cute... one deduction in my schedule wasn't that bad. Getting asked to walk around the castle with a green plant was conducive to result in me leaving class.

I shrugged; an introduction to our story was well overdue and snuck out of class with the green plant... the cute green plant. After all, it would only reduce my knowledge in Herbology by one day.

While strolling the grounds, I introduced myself to the green plant. It was really hot outside, so the green plant produced an aqueduct fountain of water using the charm "Aguamenti". It was a pretty good day.

The only bad thing is that I'm now writing this story down for detention. Truthfully, I'm too busy making eye contact and passing notes with the green plant. He's in the same detention room as me. Dreams do come true.

Crap!

Snape is looking over my shoulder reading this.

Double crap!

He just took five points from Gryffindor.

I bet the green plant is writing about our day together, too. Yup, I looked at his paper, he is.

What? You don't believe it was a green plant? No you sick perverted people, it's not who you think it is! I swear it was a green plant! Well, actually...

I'll just say it was a good day.

-Lana

**Dictionary**

**Aqueduct: **A channel that brings water from a remote source

**Conductive: **Tending to cause or bring about

**Deduce: **To lead to a conclusion

**Deductible: **The amount (or thing) that will be taken out first

**Reduce: **To bring down


	5. Chapter Four: Potions Class

**Potions Class**

There was a confluence of students by the potions room door by the time I got there. I was in a bad mood. On my way there I had slipped on an affluence of water and fell on my butt. I was willing to bet there would be a giant purple bruise.

Bam!

The door swung open and an effluence of slimy maggots tumbled out the door.

Really. Hundreds of the pale little dudes came out in a tidal wave. Most of the students jumped up onto a shelf on the wall, but I was too busy noticing Draco Malfoy walking down the hall, fashionably late (as usual), to move out of the way.

So guess what?

That's right.

I was stampeded by the superfluous flow of maggots. I could tell the details, but I'll just leave it as the vague statement of: it was really, really, really gross. And slimy. And... never mind.

Two hands grabbed me and I found myself facing Draco. There were no maggots around us, so my guess was that he had the influential power to keep the maggots away.

Sign me up for the next influx of maggots.

"There's a maggot in your hair," he pointed out.

I blushed and threw it at the nearest object... which happened to be our potions teacher, Professor Snape.

It landed on his huge, greasy nose, where it breathed in a fluctuate pattern.

I actually thought it improved his nose, but that's just my personal opinion.

He shot me a death glare and pointed everybody into the now non-maggot filled classroom.

Potions class was, predictably, a nightmare. We were supposed to be making a potion to reduce smell. When Snape announced this he shot a pointed look at me.

My guess was that I smelled like maggots.

Every girl's dream, right?

The only good thing was that I got to sit next to Draco. He really kept my spirits up by purposely adding the wrong ingredients to his potion so it would make a mini-explosion. While I was laughing at him I accidentally knocked over a bottle filled with a green bubbly fluid. It bubbled and fizzed and sort of looked like a giant moving clump of snotty.

I screamed and Snape waved his wand, creating a fluted tube that sucked it away and then vanished.

"No screaming in my classes, Lark," he sneered.

"I wasn't screaming," I said innocently. "I speak fluent Mermish and above water it just sounds like screaming. You've got a bit of maggot on your nose, by the way."

And that, with the added reason that I threw a maggot on his overly large nose, is the reason I am ending this journal now because I have to go to my detention with dear old Professor Snape.

What do you mean my detention is at 9:30 pm and it's only 8:30 pm?

Are you seriously suggesting that I'm sneaking out with Draco?

You know, I'm done. I'm just done.

Have fun making up ridiculous theories about where I'm going... actually they might not be that ridiculous...

Why did I just write that?

Stupid Lana

-Lana

**Dictionary**

**Affluence: **A great quantity that seems to keep flowing

**Confluence: **A gathering or meeting at one place; a joining

**Effluence: **Something that flows out

**Fluctuate: **To rise and fall irregularly

**Fluted: **A tall narrow shape designed for a smooth flow of liquid

**Influential: **Having the power to make things flow out of their way

**Influx: **A flowing in of something in a large number or amount

**Superfluous: **Overflow; more than enough


End file.
